01 August 2007

Too Good NOT to Share

As you all know, I love children, and I love stories about them. This one comes from a friend of my sister's a few days ago. Her boys are about 1 and 4, I'd guess. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

So Elliot's nickname is "The Munch." He "munches" on EVERYTHING from paper clips, to rocks, dirt, grass, he'll take ANYTHING!! Oliver was NEVER like that so this is all new to me.

Tony and I (mostly me) were making chili in the kitchen. Elliot kept crawling around through the kitchen into the living room and back again. He comes through and I notice some white
stuff on his face and he starts choking. So I fished a piece of hard licorice candy out of his mouth-he got into my grandma's stash. Think Mike&Ike's) Then I hold him up over my head to see if he has anymore and he spits one RIGHT IN MY FACE!! Great.

Oliver truly believes he is a Jedi. He uses "the force" all the time. To open elevators, DVD players, to get what he wants..."You will wet me have a sweepover at Noni's" all the while waving his hands like Qui-Gon Jin. Anyways, he doesn't LIKE chili so we tell him it's "Mace-Windu" chili and he eats the heck out of it. Who has "the force" now? I wasn't
about to give Elliot chili so I thought I'd try out a little mac-n-cheese on him.

~~When Oliver was an infant he fussed and spit up so much that the doctor told me to put him on soy formula. Problem solved. At one year he said to go ahead and try giving him regular milk. Problem UNSOLVED! He was covered in hives and puking within thirty minutes. Tried again
at 15mos, same thing. HAVE NEVER TRIED IT AGAIN!!

~~When Elliot was an infant he fussed and spit up so much that the doctor told me to put him on soy formula. Problem solved. Mac-n-Cheese was his first try at "milk." Never again.

Well, he LOVED it. Ate the heck out of it, but I noticed when I cleaned him off he smelled like sour milk. Not out of the ordinary.

I'm cleaning up at the sink, Elliot has been whining for the last 15 minutes at my feet and Tony and Oliver are "choking" each other using "the force" at the table. (see Darth Vadar and Chancellor Palpatine for reference on how to perform this act) By this time Elliot is standing
in only a diaper hanging onto my leg whining when Oliver says, "I'm going to CHOKE THE BABY!!!! ZHSHZHSHZHSZ!!!" AND ELLIOT PUKES ALL OVER MY LEG, THE FLOOR, and HIMSELF. He's got mac noodles coming out of his nose, he's crying and turning purple from the gag reflex, he's got hives all around his mouth, it's sad and gross all at the same time.
He's just too little, I felt SOOOO sorry for him.

I immediately say, "OH JEEZ Elliot!!" and pull him over the sink (too late) Tony says, "OH SHIT" Oliver says, "I didn't mean to choke him mom, it was uh accident! I'm SORRY I'm SORRY I'm SORRY!" and he runs upstairs to hide. I've got puke all over me and Elliot, and I tell Tony, "You're gonna have to clean that up." "I'm crippled" he tells me. "I know!" Hey, he had the easy part, I had to calm Elliot, bathe the both of us, and get us dressed. Then EXPLAIN!!

In the meantime Oliver is in my grandma's bedroom HIDING where my grandparents are talking on the phone to my aunt. Well, he goes in there crying and saying, "I choked my brother and he puked, I didn't mean to choke him! It was uh accident." They're yelling, "YOU DON'T CHOKE YOUR BROTHER!! HE'S A BABY!! WHERE WAS YOUR MOTHER???" I'm yelling from the bathroom, "He didn't really choke him! It was PRETEND!!" I sound like the bad mother.

After everything is said and done I had to explain to my grandparents AND my aunt all about the use of "the force" and it's power over The Munch.



Dave Scott said...

The paragraph that begins "Oliver truly believes he is a Jedi" is my favorite.

And while it's great to know a new generation is being raised to love Star Wars, it's bit disheartening to know that tiny humans are being raised on Episode I. I think a parent allowing their child to watch that movie on a regular basis should be legally defined as a form of child abuse.

cbilus said...

not usually on this site, but will not check it frequently!!

It's the author of "The Munch in Reverse"

It's great to know my stories are reaching farther than just my circle of friends!
Share on!

cbilus said...