15 July 2008

Wordless Words

Today I am without words for how life seems to be right now. It's messy. Relationships of all sorts are stressed and pressed because of the places I find myself. My feelings are all over the board. My job is crazy-busy right now (August 3 is my "Christmas Eve" day), and I find myself wondering how I am supposed to cope with it, much less maintain a model for others to follow. Heck, I don't even feel like I SHOULD be a model for them - if only you could see inside my head to see how messed up I really am, you wouldn't want to look to me for your leadership.

But they do. And so I wake up every day with a resolve to live today the best way I know how. Sometimes I look back over a few weeks and I think that those one-day-at-a-time moments turned into one really messy month, and other times I can see my progress there.

I told a friend today that I longed for the simpler days of my life.
And then I realized that no days were simple.
It's just a different kind of messy than it was.

Life is so daily.
And sometimes that makes me tired.

Katie, Lindsey, and Mel, have a great, super, splendiferous time. I wish I could join you and wander the streets where my phone doesn't ring and my heart is at peace. September is my turn, and I am looking forward to every second of it.

Thank you for being people who will let me vent. Thank you for living the dailyness of life with me. Thank you for the little encouragements that make it easier.

And thank you for letting me try to express that which has no words.

Love you all,


Pete said...

Please don't worry about being perfect. We all just want you to be Erin.

Anonymous said...

Hey, girlfriend --
You are doing a great job. And, as you get a little older you will learn that often just before you see the fruits of your labor -- things are really messy. Just keep taking one day at a time and living in the knowledge of who you work for! Glory to God.