I'm learning about prayer lately.
I'm learning that it's very, very hard for me to do.
I'm learning that it often feels like my soul has forgotten her Maker.
And I'm not quite sure how to get it back.
Today I've wanted to spend the day in prayer, bathing each situation with grace and mercy, hope and peace. But whether I attempt a traditional prayer method - eyes closed, attentive, spoken - or something more fluid - conversation as I go about my day, it just never felt like my heart crying out to my God.
I know it's me.
God never changes.
God never leaves us.
So it has to be me.
But I don't know how I got here, and I sure as all heck don't know how to get back.
Some would call it a crisis of faith, but it's not exactly.
A crisis of faith is more when we doubt God's power or desire to act in our lives.
I believe more than I have in a long time that God cares about me and about the road I'm walking.
I believe God is in the midst of this.
So why can't I connect?
I want to say thank you.
I want to beg.
I want to crawl up into the lap of my Daddy and tell the Creator of my heart just how it hurts.
This is the problem.
I can't seem to get myself into a posture of prayer.
It feels artificial - like talking to myself in an empty room.
Again, it's not doubt.
I don't know what it is, but it isn't doubt.
So while I seem unable to pray, would you do it for me?
And I'd welcome your help, too.
What works for you?
When you can't find God in your midst, where do you turn?
I miss my Daddy.
I want to go home.