When people found out I was engaged, I heard so many times, "Enjoy it!" And they meant it with genuine well-wishes. And, I confess, there have been parts of wedding planning that I have really enjoyed. But there are parts where I am counting down the days until August 22, just so August 21st is behind me.
I'm pretty sure this is the biggest thing I've ever planned.
I also hope it's the biggest thing I EVER plan.
So many people have wanted to help, and I am beyond grateful for their help. There's no way I could do this alone!
The problem with having so many people offer to help is that I can't keep track of who I've told what. And then people feel left out, or get their feelings hurt, or are angry with me because they don't feel prepared.
I hear the phrase quite often, "It's your wedding! You should be able to do what you want."
And no one is telling me what to do.
But I do have people that I love dearly that I want NOT to feel shunned.
So I try to include them. (Thanks, mom, for teaching me hospitality - I mean that!)
And in the end, all that matters to me is marrying this man.
I don't care if I get one gift.
I don't care if the cake falls over (except that it's really, really yummy!).
I don't care if Ella stains her dress with strawberry juice.
I care about being surrounded by the people who are going to be there when we have hard days.
I care about the vows I will speak to him that day.
I care that those gathered with us recognize their role in our lives, separately and together.
So when someone gets left out, it's not because I intend it to happen. It's probably because 1) I think I can handle this project on my own, (which we all know I can't) and 2) the tiny details are not my priority. If the strawberries don't get cut in half on Friday, we'll just have half as many strawberries!
I wanted to write this down because there's a little girl who is going to have her own wedding some day. She's going to have at least three families to deal with. She's going to have stress and hopes and frustrations and fears. I want to remember how I feel right now, so that maybe I'll be able to understand her a little bit better when it's her turn. I want to remember the way my emotions feel like the river rapids churning over the rocks and yet underneath them there is a serene ebb and flow of peace.
I am 100% positive I am making the right decision.
Not a single thing in my life has ever felt so sure.
No matter how the waters churn in the next 3 weeks, 5 days, at the end of it, I will be united with my best friend, my confidant, my strength, my source of life and hope and joy and peace.
My prayer is that the calm running underneath will soothe my weary soul as we take our first steps of this life together.