You're Safe Here

Today is National Coming Out Day.

Let me just say that I have no idea what you're feeling today.
I have no sense whatsoever what it feels like to live in fear of what others will think when you tell them.
I have no experience where I knew I had to tell my parents something that would disappoint them on this level.

No one has ever asked me how long I've known I was straight.
No one has ever prayed over my sexuality.
No one has ever worried about what my orientation would mean for THEM.

I don't get it.
Not in the same way you do.

But you're safe here.

If you're sitting in your own hell this morning, wondering what will happen if you say something to someone, know that it's ok.
Know that no matter how hard it may be, that here you will be greeted with love and acceptance.

If you're sitting in your own hell this morning wondering who to tell because you can't tell your parents or your kids or your spouse or whoever, know that that's ok, too.  Coming to understand ourselves is a hell we all must walk.

For some of us it's an eating disorder.
For some it's the skeletons of our past.
For some it's abuse or neglect or the agony our parents put us through.
For some it's our sexuality.

We all have our own personal hells.
We all have our dark secrets we're too afraid to share.

Here, you won't be judged for your secrets.
I have mine, too.
I won't pretend that the sins and secrets I carry are somehow less tragic than yours.
I won't pretend that somehow the genetics with which I was born make me a better person than you.
I won't EVER claim that you are beyond love - love of other people or love of God.

You are loved.
You were created in the image of God.
Created to be exactly who you are.

Who am I to judge?

Whether it's today that you decide to tell someone or if it's 10 years from now, know that there are safe places all around you.

I can't begin to understand the fear of what it means to tell someone you love and know they're going to be crushed.
I can't promise you that they'll be supportive.
But I can promise you that there are those of us who will.

And if you're reading this and shaking your head at my sad theology that doesn't understand God's word, please PLEASE think carefully before you speak today.  Please know that I believe you're entitled to that belief just as much as I'm entitled to mine.  But please know that sometimes the things we say to people we love that are meant to "do good" or to "speak the truth" have the capacity to utterly destroy a person.  Please always speak in love.  Speak only words that encourage.  Speak only words that build up the safe space between you and the person you love.  If you can't find the words, just hug them.  Just hold them and pray until God gives you words of love.  Just please, don't turn them away.

He drew a circle that shut me out,

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But love and I had the wit to win,

We drew a circle that brought him in.

~ Edwin Markham

 “He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that brought him in.” – Edwin Markham - See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/2012/05/30/dear-jared/#sthash.r9IEi0bv.dpuf

 “He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that brought him in.” – Edwin Markham - See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/2012/05/30/dear-jared/#sthash.r9IEi0bv.dpuf

 “He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that brought him in.” – Edwin Markham - See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/2012/05/30/dear-jared/#sthash.r9IEi0bv.dpuf