Keeping a Holy Lent: Day 7

Today has been a day of preparation.

I prepared a meal for my colleagues for lunch tomorrow.
I prepared a report and a project.
I am preparing for a long flight tomorrow.

As I sat in my floor, with the suitcase about 90% packed, I realized how much the process of preparation takes from me mentally.  I talk to myself while I pack.  I think out loud.  Do I have the socks that work best with these shoes?  Do I have all of the cords for my devices?  How much room is left in the suitcase?  What should go in my carry-on?

It feels overwhelming when you have an anxiety disorder and also hate to fly.

And yet, as I counted out my medications and vitamins for my trip, I was struck by the very "daily"ness of it all, as well.  Yes, I definitely have to plan ahead and prepare, but I can actually only do one thing at a time.  If I try to do too many things at one time, it makes me sick.  I get overwhelmed by the power of it.  If I took too many of my pills at once, they would make me sick.  I can't take a week's worth of medications in one dose so I don't have to worry about taking them next week.  It doesn't work like that.

And that's how all times of preparation go.
Any time I am tempted to work on multiple projects at once, it frustrates and overwhelms me.
I have learned in my job that I am most efficient when I focus on one thing until it is ready and then move on to the next thing.

I still haven't learned that in my life, though.
I still pack way too many things in my suitcase, just because I MIGHT need them.
I still double and triple check what ends up in my carry-on.
I still try to pack my clothes at the same time I'm trying to pack my toiletries.
And then I get anxious.
I start to make it seem too hard.
Too long.
Too far.
Too many days.
I question whether or not I can do this because I have tried to do too much.

One week into Lent I am starting to understand that this is exactly what this season is meant to teach me. 

It is teaching me to slow down, take a deep breath, and focus on just the task at hand.
Lent is giving me permission to resist the temptation to be more than I am.
I am learning to breathe again.

In my preparations, I am learning to lean into the next thing.
I am learning to let go of the 25 things of the next few days.
I am learning that when I am too quick to act, I am tempted not to be my best self.

Because here's the secret I have to learn over and over again in this life of mine:
The preparations matter just as much as the final product.
Counting out the meds matters just as much as the loaded suitcase.
Shredding the chicken for the soup is just as much part of the preparation as ladling it into a bowl.

I am learning to be at peace when something on the To Do List doesn't get finished.
Because the journey of the day matters just as much.
It is worth it to slow down.
It is critical to make time to breathe.

Prepare for the day of the Lord's resurrection.
Stay attentive to this work of preparing.
It is worth it.