Had things gone differently, perhaps today would not be as it is. Perhaps I would not be en route back to a place I love, to do what I love, leaving some I love to see others. Had the past three months been wrought with life as status quo, today would likely perpetuate the status quo.
But the thing about the status quo is that it is always changing.
Today there is a new status quo.
Because of him, I will never be the same again. As my grandfather walked the final days of his life, my life was changed. The journey to the grave is sometimes long and hard and lonely. Had the journey been short and painless, what is would not have been.
I miss him. Whithout him, everything is changed. Even the status quo.
I return today to a place that will not recognize it. For the world, nothing is any different since Thursday. "What was" and "what might have been" matter not.
I do not regret one moment I spent surrounding my grandpa's journey. What might have been will never be, and that is ok. I look not to these days with longing, but with new lenses.
From here the status quo looks very different.
But I know.
And he knows.
And that's all that matters to me now.