18 February 2010
Lent began yesterday with Ash Wednesday.
This year I am committing myself to a life of discipline.
Over the years I have tried many things to keep me mindful of the coming Holy Week and Easter celebrations, but more often than not, they prove simply to frustrate me. It's not that I don't learn anything from Lenten sacrifices of chocolate, drive-thrus, or excessive spending; it's that I end up feeling like it's just that - a sacrifice. It is rarely a discipline I'm attempting to develop, it's a means to an end. Can I beat the challenge? Can I "make it" to Easter?
And when I do, bring on the celebration! It's a drive-thru chocolate shopping spree on Monday morning.
I thought long and hard this year about what I could "give up" as I prepared for the Easter season, but - to be honest - I just wasn't feeling it. Nothing seemed like a big enough sacrifice. And yet nothing seemed "easy" enough, either. I wasn't sure that I could be disciplined enough to master it.
And that's when I realized that what I needed to do was find some discipline in my life. I have committed to cultivating it this season in hopes that I will feel more like I am living my life and less like life is running me over.
I want to be intentional about who I am.
Not only is the well of my life dry, but it is also very shallow. I feel like I have no reserves - nowhere to draw strength - and that doesn't feel very much like me.
I have always been a woman who knew what she wanted and how she was going to get it. I treasure my relationships immensely, but I don't need them to make me feel fulfilled. I have found myself in the last year getting my identity wrapped up in all the wrong things.
It ends this season.
By Easter I want to be living as the Lenten picture depicts - traveling a road that is parallel to the wall and the dangerous sea, rather than attempting to ramrod through the wall only to discover the turbulence beyond its protection. The road is twisted and winding, but it is peaceful and safe on that side of the wall.
Lent is a journey.
It is a season of our lives.
And this season I am on the journey to find some discipline.
Will you join me?