17 November 2011

A Season of Thanks: Day 17

Today I am simply thankful for hope.

Most of you know that Chris and I have been "in transition" since before we got married. It's been about 2 years now of flux, change, waiting, planning, and re-planning when the old plan fell through.

Yesterday, as I was driving home from work, I was overcome with a sense that maybe - just maybe - the end is in sight. I have no way to know if that's true or not. Maybe it was God's peace assuring me we're going to be ok. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe it was just the fact that the sun was shining for the first time in 2 days. I don't pretend to know what it is that dredges up feelings inside of us - good or bad. But I know that for the first time since moving here I had an overwhelming sense of hope.

I had lost hope for a while.
I'd resigned myself to the fact that this was going to be our lives for awhile.
I like this life, don't hear me incorrectly!
But I want to be settled and we can't do that until a few more pieces fall into place.

I want the chance to feel like we're in control of our future, rather than the economy.
(Don't bother to assess that situation; it's just what I want, and yes, I realize there are countless errors in my thinking on it.)
I want to be able to make some plans that don't include the phrase, "unless something changes."

Yesterday I had the sense that maybe that day is coming.
Just maybe.

Even if it isn't on the horizon soon, I am grateful for the chance to feel that hope again.

No comments: