Keeping a Holy Lent: Day 15

My therapist asked me today if I was depressed.
I told him I didn't know; that I'd never been depressed before.
What I do know, though, is that it has been a while since I have had any joy in my life.

Joy is elusive like that sometimes, isn't it?
It's hard to capture.
Maybe that's what makes it so special - because we don't anticipate it.

I find joy in places where I can be authentic.
With little children,
in the garden,
with Chris,
at the ocean,
with my tribe of people.

A few weeks ago, my tribe was here.
They were all in my house 3 nights in a row.
The toddler, the elementary schooler, my middle schooler, and their parents.
We gathered, we laughed, we cooked, we talked, we played.
And it was so good!

It made me realize how much I was missing joy.
Because for 2.5 days, I had it!

Winter is always hard for me, partially because joy finds me in the sunshine.
Winter in Kentucky lacks sunshine: most of our days are gloomy and cloudy.
Not only does it keep me from finding joy, but it feels like the clouds are absorbing the little snippets of joy I do find!  It's exhausting and frustrating.

So here is what I'm learning today:
take those moments when joy surprises you, and cling to them.
Make them happen when you can.
Take the time to be intentional with your people.
Make the appointment to get together, even if you have to schedule it a month in advance.

And when you get those times,
savor them.

Know what brings you joy so that when it is present, you won't take it for granted.
Take advantage of every opportunity you have to capture joy.

My hope is that in doing it,
in being more aware of the small moments of joy,
that I will see that it isn't so elusive after all.